Freaking out about a crush problem? Major drama in school? Bratty little sister driving you crazy? No worries! I’m here to help! Tell me what’s up and I’ll give you the best advice I can. Just ask Chloe and Zoey…I’m awesome at giving advice!! You can send your question to AskNikki@dorkdiaries.com. I’ll try to answer a couple each week, depending on how much homework I have!
Today’s advice question comes from a girl named Ali, who writes:
This year I transferred to public school. There’s a boy who I’ve known my entire life, and lucky me, he ended up in my class. He’s so cute!
All the girls like him, so I want to get his attention. There have been a few sparks between us, but I’m not sure if he likes me. How can I tell if he does, and how can I get his attention?
Hi Ali! Let me first get this out of the way….SQUEEEE!!! That’s awesome that your crush ended up in your class. I’m so excited for you!
Now, onto your two questions….
Luckily, I’ve already written a long list of ways to know if your crush is into you, so that’s the answer to your first one!
As for the second question, about how to get his attention, this is a HIGHLY scientific process that I’ve refined over YEARS of research. In fact, I am SO confident in this process that I’ve even given it a name: The 2-Step Magnet Plan.
Why “Magnet Plan,” you ask? Because if you follow these steps EXACTLY as I’ve outlined them, I guarantee you’ll be like a refrigerator and he’ll be like your last report card…totally stuck on you!
(Okay, to be honest, that’s not entirely true. I can’t really guarantee that, but it’s an awesome line for my marketing plan, if I decide to put my highly scientific process into a book, right? Back to the advice…)
The 2-Step Magnet Plan:
1. Treat him like a friend.
No, I don’t mean that you should text him, “OMG, you looked SO cute in class today. Do YOU think you’re into me?” Don’t pretend he’s one of the girls!
I mean act like yourself around him…your REAL self. Laugh at the stuff you usually laugh at. Bring up stuff you’re actually interested in, not stuff you think he wants to hear about.
Be totally, completely YOU. Cute boys are used to girls acting weird and flirty around them, and I think it actually makes them kind of uncomfortable.
What they REALLY want is to hang out with fun, laid back girls who aren’t all caught up in their head trying to be noticed. And believe me, if you don’t TRY to be noticed, you will be!
2. Ask him about himself.
Here’s a secret to not just guys, but people in general: EVERYONE likes to talk about themselves!
Think about all the times your grandmother has told you boring stories that start with, “Back in my day…” and your mom has rambled on and on about how awesome she is at couponing. We’re all totally into ourselves!
But here’s another little secret: since EVERYONE likes to talk about themselves, it can be tough to find people who really like to listen, and not just pretend they’re listening while they’re ACTUALLY waiting to talk about themselves!
So ask him about the sports he plays, and the movies he likes, and anything else that he’s into. Then really listen! If he talks about something you’re not interested in, ask more questions to get to something that you don’t find mind-numbingly boring.
Remember: don’t pretend, at all!
The first step is SUPER important, so you never want to say, “Wow, that’s fascinating! Tell me more about the five hours you spent bird watching with your dad!” (Unless you secretly get all kinds of psyched just thinking about which bird has the most feathers, flies the fastest, and lays the largest egg!)
If you relax and be yourself around him, and show him you’re interested in getting to know him, he will DEFINITELY notice you!
And he’ll probably think, “Wow, that Ali’s so chill…and GREAT to talk to!” (Because we ALL think it’s great to talk about ourselves!)
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Ali?
Today’s question comes from Lauren, who writes:
A friend of mine, who’s in the grade above me, acts older than me, and I wish she’d stop!
She gets everything she wants and is extremely picky. We have things in common and love a lot of the same things, but I know she thinks she can overrule me. I’m not one of her little sisters. What can I do or say to change this without hurting her feelings?
Hi Lauren! I think it’s pretty awesome that you don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings, even though she’s been acting so bossy.
That tells me you’re a super valuable friend! It sounds like maybe she needs a reminder of what it means to be one.
(I’m guessing she lost her “Good Friend Handbook,” but was too busy to notice because she was acting like the queen of the world!)
Since you have a lot in common, I say you find a time when you’re doing something you both love. It will be a lot easier to bring this up when you’re both laughing and having a good time!
If she says something condescending and big-sister-ish, like, “Don’t touch my paintbrushes! Kids your age should draw with crayons!” you might be tempted to call her out and speak your mind right then.
But she’ll probably just get defensive if you put her on the spot. So instead, bring it up BEFORE anything happens, or some time a little later, and try to be sensitive about it.
You could say, “I bet it’s tough having younger sisters who are always trying to take your stuff and be just like you. I hope that, even though you’re a little older than me, you think of me like an equal. So how about you look at me as the same age, and I promise I’ll NEVER steal your diary or attempt to be your clone. Deal?”
If it seems like she has no idea what you’re talking about, then you could bring up an example. (Hint to avoid hurting her feelings: don’t use the words “not the boss of me” and “queen of the world.” That little joke stays between you and me!)
If she completely brushes you off with something along the lines of, “Sure, we’re equals. Now go get me a grape soda!” then this may mean that she has NO CLUE what “equal” means. (Probably because she lost that handbook!)
In that case, you have two choices: accept that she’s probably stuck in big-sister mode and try not to let it get to you, or start spending your time with other friends who look up to you too much to talk down to you!
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Lauren?
Today’s question comes from Elsa, who writes:
There’s this girl in my class named Stacey. She told everyone that I said she’s stupid and boring and that she plays out-of-date games. Everyone believes her and keeps asking me why I said those things to her. Nobody believes me when I say I didn’t.
She’s always lying about me and it makes me feel really bad. What should I do?
Hi Elsa! Let me start by advising you not to sit too close to Stacey. If you do, you may get burned…because she’s a pants-on-fire liar!
Since I don’t know this girl, I can’t be sure WHY she’s turned you into the bully of this completely delusional world she’s created.
But I DO know that she wants everyone else to think you’re MacKenzie Hollister-mean.
It could be that she’s mad at you for something else and she’s trying to get back at you by making everyone think you’re a nasty, no good name caller.
Or maybe, if you have a lot of friends and you’re well liked, she’s jealous, so she’s trying to create drama.
Or maybe she’s just a pathological liar drama queen and she makes up stuff about EVERYBODY, including the lunch lady, her mom, and her family dog.
The only way to know what’s up is to ask her!
HOW you ask her is super important because you want to make sure she doesn’t feel attacked. (So it’s probably not a good idea to corner her in the bathroom and say, “Girlfriend, why you running that big ole mouth of yours?!”)
If you approach her in a friendly way, maybe it will remind her that you’re a super sweet girl who would never say all that mean stuff.
You could say something like, “Hey Stacey. I know you’ve been telling people I said you’re stupid and boring. I was wondering if someone else told you that, since I know I never said those things.”
This way, you’re not coming right out and calling her a liar, and it gives her a chance to tell you why she’s been saying this stuff.
Then you could say, “I don’t think you’re stupid and boring at all, and I wouldn’t want to make you feel bad. It makes ME feel bad when people ask me about this, so really I hope we can clear this up so neither of us has to feel bad anymore!”
If she WAS mad at you for something, this might open up a can of worms. But at least then you’ll be able to talk it all through and work it all out!
Hopefully, she’ll say, “So sorry, Elsa! Clearly I was mistaken, and I feel SO bad about it that I fully intend to make it up to you by carrying your backpack home from school every day for the rest of the year!”
(Okay, so it’s unlikely she’d say that last part…but even just the first part would be cool!)
And hopefully, if she says she’s sorry and was mistaken, it won’t be another one of her lies!
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Elsa?
Today’s question comes from Lucinda, who writes:
I have a serious problem! There’s this sweet, funny, cute guy at my school who I have a big crush on, and I think he might like me! But that’s not the problem.
The problem is that my BFF HATES him for some reason (even though they have so much in common). Anyway, I really don’t want to lose them both because they’re both awesome! But how do I choose?
Hi Lucinda! It sounds to me that maybe the REAL problem isn’t that you have to choose between your BFF and your crush.
It’s that your BFF THINKS you might choose…and it might be him!
I mean, think about: he’s awesome, just like her, AND they have a lot in common…so there’s a really good chance she only hates him because she’s afraid she might lose you.
I say you sit her down some day after school and say, “I know you really don’t like (insert cute guy’s name), and I was wondering if it’s because you thought maybe we’d stop being so close if I started getting closer to him. I want you to know that our friendship is super important to me, and no crush is going to change that!”
She might say, “Thanks, Lucinda!” and then start braiding your hair while the two of you watch that Disney show “Jesse.”
OR, she might say, “That’s not it. I just REALLY can’t stand that guy!”
If that’s the case, then you could gently remind her of the rules of friendship with something like “I really wish you liked him because I know I sure do! But I hope at the very least you’ll be cool about me crushing on him. I mean, I’m sure I won’t always love every guy YOU crush on!”
Of course, there’s one other thing that could be the problem: she might have a crush on him too! After all, he’s sweet, funny, and cute, and they have a TON in common.
You won’t really know unless she tells you, and I’m sure if this is the problem, she eventually will!
If that ever happens, this might help!
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Lucinda?
Today’s question came in anonymously. It reads:
I get distracted a lot when I’m doing homework. Can you tell me a way to not get distracted so I can finish things faster?
Hi there! I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about, and I…BRB, just saw something shiny.
I kid! In all seriousness, I really do feel your pain, and I’m pretty sure everyone who’s reading this can relate.
Let’s face it: we live in a super distracting world!
Every time we sit down to do homework, we can expect to be distracted by any or all of the following:
- Calls, texts, or social media messages from friends
- Annoying questions from our brothers or sisters (No, Brianna, for the millionth time, I don’t know why the sky is blue!!)
- Interruptions from our parents about stupid stuff (even though they’ll be super mad later if we don’t finish our homework)
- Memories about funny stuff that happened in school (or awkward, embarrassing stuff that happened) that makes it tough to focus
- Curiosity about what’s on TV (or a sixth sense that there’s a TV on somewhere in the house, and we, too, should be watching it!)
- Cats that like to jump on our desk and walk all over our homework
- Dogs with saliva-covered tennis balls in their mouth who refuse to stop whimpering until someone plays with them
- Obsessive thoughts about all the other WAY MORE FUN things we could be doing (like playing Candy Crush!)
- Persistent feelings of disgust for a school system that gives us WAY too much homework, and daydreams about starting a revolution to take that system down!! (Or is that just me?)
As the list CLEARLY illustrates, it’s super hard to focus! But fear not, my anonymous friend. I have a few simple tips that might make it a little easier.
1. Pick a time and place where you’re less likely to be distracted by people and technology.
For me, the only place that fits the bill is my bathroom, but I’m not a fan of curling up in my tub with a stack of books and a number 2 pencil. So instead, I sometimes stay after school and do my homework in the library.
I know, I’m a total dork for staying in school when I could easily leave! But sometimes Chloe and Zoey do their homework there, too, which makes it more fun. And this way, I can just chill when I get home!
That brings me to my next point…
2. Get an “anti-distraction” buddy.
Ask a friend to do homework with you, and make a pact that you will both tell each other if you’re not focusing well enough.
Think, “Psst, Marcy! Stop checking Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg won’t give you the answers to those math problems!” (That’s the guy who started Facebook, in case you didn’t know!)
3. Give yourself breaks if you have a lot of stuff to do.
If you have more than a couple hours of homework, like I sometimes do (which is why I’m totally serious about that revolution!) then you’re probably setting yourself up to fail if you don’t give yourself breaks in between.
So instead of making yourself plow through it all and eventually feeling antsy, take a break every 20−30 minutes to get a snack, stretch your legs, do whatever.
Just make sure you don’t start anything that will take a long time to finish. If you start watching your favorite movie or text your friend, “OMG, what was all that drama about in math today!” odds are, you won’t make it back to the books!
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice about staying focused?
Today’s question comes from a girl who calls herself “a sad friend.” She writes:
Everyone at school is wearing makeup except for me. I feel really pressured to, but I don’t want to. But whenever I look in photos of myself next to them, I always feel really bland and ugly!
I really don’t want to waste 10 minutes of my morning putting crappy expensive stuff on my face just to hide what I really look like! But I also don’t want to feel left out. Help!
Hello my soon-to-be-less-sad friend! (At least, I hope you’ll be…)
I can TOTALLY relate to what you wrote. I hate makeup!
I don’t get why girls like MacKenzie fill their obnoxious designer bags with overpriced cosmetics.
Why would anyone need 50 lip glosses?? Seriously, she could probably employ Tyra as a full-time beauty consultant with all the money she wastes on war paint. (Get it? Because she turns school into a battle zone? OK, back to you…)
I know it feels kind of weird to be the odd girl out, but from where I’m standing, it seems like you’re different in the most amazing way.
Not only do you not wear makeup, you also think for yourself and value how you REALLY look so much that you don’t want to hide it. I think that’s awesome!
So I’m going to quote the wise movie What a Girl Wants, starring a pre-meltdown Amanda Bynes:
“Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?”
Maybe it’s a good thing that you don’t look like everybody else. It doesn’t have to mean you look bland and ugly. It COULD mean you’re just totally aware that you’re beautiful just as you are.
And trust me, other people will notice. I highly doubt anyone looks at you and thinks you’re not as pretty as them because you’re not holding your pores hostage under a layer of foundation.
They probably think it’s cool that you don’t give into the pressure to be like everyone else.
If after reading this you still feel left out and conflicted, maybe you could find a happy medium.
Instead of spending 10 minutes doing your whole face, buy a lip gloss or chap stick to put on in the morning and bring to school. And then maybe, if you want after that, add a little tinted moisturizer to make your face glow.
This way, you’re not making some huge anti-make up stand…you’re just doing it in a way that feels right for you.
Whatever you decide to do, keep that totally beautiful confident-in-who-you-are-without-hiding-yourself thing going. That’s worth more than ALL the CCP’s cosmetics combined…and they’re worth a lot!
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for our new friend?
Today’s advice question comes from Julinda, who writes:
My crush texted me last night and while I was texting back to him, I had a feeling that I was boring him to death with my texts. He reads my texts but then doesn’t reply to them until two hours later…or more!
He said that he feels happy whenever I’m around him but my head keeps telling me that’s a lie. I don’t want to text him constantly because I don’t want to sound too desperate to get his attention. Help!
Hi Julinda! I’d love to give you advice, but I couldn’t get through your question because it was so incredibly boring.
OMG, I am totally kidding! I have a feeling you’re not even SLIGHTLY boring. You probably just think you are because you’re caught up in what I like to call Super Obsessive Overanalyzing Crush Syndrome…or SOOCS.
It’s when you like a boy SO much you that you can’t help but overanalyze everything. It’s incredibly painful and it makes you all paranoid.
A five-minute response time feels like 50 years walking through the desert in a snowsuit.
A quick response with just a smiley face becomes a sure sign he is SO exhausted from being bombarded by all your texts that he can only muster the energy to choose a lame, overused emoticon.
But usually it’s not even close to what you think.
The slow response time probably means he was in the bathroom, then ate a sandwich, then heard his mom yell, “I need your help with something!” before he even SAW your text.
And the smiley face probably means exactly what it looks like…he likes what you wrote, and now he’s smiling, virtually and for real!
If he said he’s happy when he’s around you, I say take it at face value. If you start trying way too hard to be less boring in your texts, then he may think you’re desperate for his attention.
I mean, think about it. Which one seems more laid-back and natural?
Funny joke in homeroom today! You always crack me up.
You were so funny in homeroom today!
And one minute later…
Not sure if you saw my text, but I think you’re really funny, and not just in homeroom!
And one minute later…
Interesting fact: In Argentina, they don’t have homeroom. Fascinating, huh? =)
OK, I know you probably wouldn’t write that, but you get my point! When you try to be interesting, that’s what it looks like!
So to sum all this up with a simple math equation:
Laid back text + not stressing about when he writes back = chill, fun flirty crush relationship.
Trying too hard + obsessing about what he’s thinking = awkward, pressured crush relationship.
(And just so you don’t feel bad if it’s hard to stop stressing and obsessing, an interesting fact for you: 98% of girls struggle with SOOCS. Yes, that’s a made up statistic, but I have a feeling it’s true!)
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Julinda?
Today’s question comes from Annie, who writes:
I have this problem. My friend keeps inviting me over to her house but I can’t go because my mom doesn’t let me, so I lied to her, saying that I needed to get a flu shot. Now I have this really guilty feeling.
She invites me to go ice skating, but I can’t go and so I make up some lame excuse. She is really cool and I like her a lot. I was going to tell her the truth but I am afraid that she might get angry and probably not want to be my friend. Please help me!
Hi Annie! I can tell you’re super stressed about this. No worries…I’m here to help!
I know you think the problem is that you keep lying, but I’ve got news for you: your REAL problem is that you’re scared to tell the truth.
Don’t feel bad about that, though. Everyone worries about telling the truth at times…especially when you really like someone and you think the truth’s embarrassing.
I remember this one time when I was on the phone with Brandon. My mom picked up the other line and said, “Doodlebug, come downstairs. I got you a Happy Meal!” (SO glad I have a cell phone now!)
I was secretly really psyched to see what little plastic toy was in that thing. (Don’t judge…I’m a collector!) But I didn’t want HIM to know that, so I said, “It’s me on the phone, not Brianna. Gotta go, Brandon. See you tomorrow!”
I totally lied so he wouldn’t know I’m just a big kid whose mom calls her humiliating pet names. (And then totally rushed downstairs to get my Happy Meal!)
The good news for you is that your friend is a girl who is the same age as you…so odds are, she can totally relate to any embarrassing thing you may be going through.
I would bet you two month’s allowance that her mom hasn’t let her do everything she’s wanted to do, and that she’s made lame excuses too, just to avoid saying, “I would come, but my mom won’t let me!”
So next time you feel afraid to say the REAL reason that you can’t do something, instead of saying, “I’d love to but I lost a lot of hair in the shower drain and it will take me all night to find it!” tell her what’s really going on…even if you text it instead of actually saying it out loud.
I bet when she reads, “Can’t believe my mom said no…she’s so overprotective!!!” she’ll write something like, “OMG, sounds like MY mom!”
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Annie?
Today’s advice question comes from Julianna, who writes:
I’m in the sixth grade and I have tons of girl friends and guy friends. Before winter break, my girl friends and I heard my guy friends call another guy a rude name based on his outside appearance.
My friends and I thought it was the right thing to do to tell our teacher. Now, most of the boys are mad that we told on them. They blocked a bunch of us on social media sites and are ignoring us.
Do you think it was right to tell, or should we have just left the situation alone? Was it any of our business?
Hi Julianna! This sounds like a HUGE moral dilemma! I can understand why you’re second-guessing yourself.
On the one hand, we all know it’s SO not cool to call other people rude names. And the only thing worse than dissing someone’s appearance is…well, nothing. It’s super mean!
But then, these guys are your friends. And you wouldn’t want to get them in trouble or make them mad at you.
Since I’m pretty much allergic to meanness (thanks, MacKenzie, for the chronic hives!), I get why you felt the need to say something.
But I can also understand why they’re annoyed. They probably wish you came to them to talk about it instead of going to your teacher. Still, you were in a tough position and you did what you thought was best.
(This is the most wishy-washy advice ever, I know. I promise, it will get clearer!)
Since there’s really no right or wrong here and since what’s done is done, I think the real question is: What should you do now? And I have an answer for that.
(See, it’s getting clearer!)
You’ll probably feel a lot better when you share your feelings with them and let them know what a tough call this was.
You could tell them that you didn’t mean to get them in trouble…you just felt confused, since they said something so mean, and you wanted to do the right thing.
You could THEN tell them that maybe you should have come to them first to see if you misheard them, instead of immediately going to your teacher.
If they say you DIDN’T mishear them, or if they’re really mean and unforgiving when you explain yourselves, then this whole thing could be a blessing in disguise.
Because really, who needs a bunch of nasty name-calling friends who block you on social media and REFUSE to understand what a tough position you were in?
Not you! You need good friends, like the kind that agree that it’s mean to judge people on their appearances. And lucky you, you have some!
So if the guys keep ignoring you, stick with your girl friends. Sounds like those are friends you can count on…to be nice AND to be there for you!
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Julianna?
This question comes from Kiersten, who writes:
For some reason all my friends have been ignoring me all month. I don’t know what’s going on. Can you give me some reasons why they might be ignoring me?
Hi Kiersten! That totally stinks that your friends are ignoring you, and right around the holidays.
It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year…not the most mean, immature time of the year!
There could be a few different explanations for what’s going on.
1. They’re all mad at you, but no one wants to tell you what’s up.
It could be because of something you did, or something they THINK you did. Whatever the case, there’s one specific reason…you just don’t know it!
2. They all decided not to be friends with you anymore, but no one wants to tell you what’s up.
This is more likely if these aren’t good friends who you’ve known for a long time…ESPECIALLY if they’re nasty CCPs who don’t care about other people’s feelings.
3. You just THINK they’re ignoring you, and you don’t know what’s really going on because you don’t want to ask them what’s up.
This could be the case if by “ignoring me” you mean, “I text each one of them 57 times a day, and they don’t all write back instantly!”
Or, if they all joined the same afterschool club and you didn’t, you could feel they’re ignoring you because you’re not part of something they’re all doing together.
What do the first, second, and third have in common? Two words: “What’s up.” (Look up…those words are in all three!)
I could sit here all day and write, “It could be this! Or this! Oooooh, it MIGHT be this!” But I’m just guessing.
Taking MY word for what your friends could be thinking is like asking a fortune cookie why your crush stayed home from school today.
To REALLY figure out what’s up, you have to ask! I know that might feel kind of scary, especially if you’re afraid they might be mad at you or they might be trying to ditch you.
But it could be the third one…that it’s really just a simple misunderstanding, and you’ll feel better once it’s all out in the open.
You may want to ask them all separately since that will be a little less intimidating for you. And if they ARE all mad about something, they’ll probably be more honest when they’re not all together and worrying about what the others will think.
No matter what, though, I promise you will feel a lot better once you guys talk it all out!
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Kiersten?
Do you have a question for Nikki?